Sunday, July 10, 2011

Do you believe me?

I recently read a book about a boy with Asperger's (House Rules by Jodi Picoult) that I thought was pretty profound, but also a little disconcerting because I couldn't help but relate to the boy. I marked a passage that actually sums up how I feel sometimes. This boy is being tried for murder and his attorney asks him why he doesn't show that he misses the victim. This is his response:

"If I know I feel it, that's what counts. Don't you ever look at someone who's hysterical in public and wonder if it's because they really feel miserable or because they want others to know they're miserable? It kind of dilutes the emotion if you display it for the whole world to see. Makes it less pure."

While I don't conform to this quite as strongly as an autistic person, I often feel that blatant expressions of emotion can be construed as insincere. A person should not have to prove or insist how he or she is feeling - trying harder makes me wonder if they are trying to convince me. I feel the same way about compliments. Compliments are nice, but when it is emphasized repeatedly I wonder if they mean it or just want me to believe it.

Alright, that's enough of that. It's hard for me to articulate all of my thoughts on this topic. Anyway, good book - I'd recommend it.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My Life in the Future

Hey there, miss me? Ok so I haven't had a whole lot of inspiration to entertain you with. Sorry about that. But since one of my faithful readers has requested my return I figured I'd better not disappoint!

Aaaand today my mother & I worked on cleaning out the terrifying office. If you saw this room you would understand that statement. To put it mildly, the office is/was very messy. Among the deep-cleaning we shredded 1.5 giant garbage bags full of old documents, and then my mom pulled out some of my old school papers. I decided to share with you what I had predicted for my future when I was in 5th grade. I'll bold the words that I filled in & will leave the blanks in so you know what I had not decided, and I'll leave the spelling as it was back in 1996. Enjoy.

"My Life in the Future"
"In a few years I will attend Northern High School. I will be the star of the Basket-ball team. I will join the Drama club, and graduate with an A average. I will drive a Corvet and work after school at Burger King. My best friend will be ___.

After I graduate from high school I will go to Michigan State University. I will become a famous Author. I will build a ___ house in the state of California. It will have 8 rooms, and the best part is that it will have a swimming pool. I will drive a Mustang Convertable. My hobbies will be roller-blading and bicycling. For vacations I will get in my ___ and take off for ___. Once a week I'll go out to dinner at the ___. I will get married when I am 21 years old and have 2 children. My husband and I will make sure they always have fun and I'll be sure and tell them ___. I will retire when I am 50 years old and spend my old age visiting all my good old friends from ---* Elementary School and doing ___."

Please note that at some point I erased "Burger King" and "Mustang Convertable" and crossed out "State" from MSU. Now at the ripe old age of 26 I can tell you that so far the only true predictions are that I did indeed attend Northern and I still enjoy rollerblading. (I recently bought myself a new bike too.) I can also tell you that I laughed hysterically at the idea of driving a corvette in high school and retiring at age 50 (my mom, who is past 50 also got quite the kick out of that one). As for my other predictions, I didn't play basketball beyond that 5th grade team, and I never joined drama. I spent several years writing stories and loved it, but I only finished the short ones. My inability to write a full-length novel sort of killed that dream of being an author I think. Some days I still think I'll go back and finish some of those long stories I started.

I guess this just goes to show that life doesn't always work out quite the way you planned.

*I removed the name of my elementary school so that you cannot travel back in time & kidnap me.