I recently read a book about a boy with Asperger's (House Rules by Jodi Picoult) that I thought was pretty profound, but also a little disconcerting because I couldn't help but relate to the boy. I marked a passage that actually sums up how I feel sometimes. This boy is being tried for murder and his attorney asks him why he doesn't show that he misses the victim. This is his response:
"If I know I feel it, that's what counts. Don't you ever look at someone who's hysterical in public and wonder if it's because they really feel miserable or because they want others to know they're miserable? It kind of dilutes the emotion if you display it for the whole world to see. Makes it less pure."
While I don't conform to this quite as strongly as an autistic person, I often feel that blatant expressions of emotion can be construed as insincere. A person should not have to prove or insist how he or she is feeling - trying harder makes me wonder if they are trying to convince me. I feel the same way about compliments. Compliments are nice, but when it is emphasized repeatedly I wonder if they mean it or just want me to believe it.
Alright, that's enough of that. It's hard for me to articulate all of my thoughts on this topic. Anyway, good book - I'd recommend it.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
My Life in the Future
Hey there, miss me? Ok so I haven't had a whole lot of inspiration to entertain you with. Sorry about that. But since one of my faithful readers has requested my return I figured I'd better not disappoint!
Aaaand today my mother & I worked on cleaning out the terrifying office. If you saw this room you would understand that statement. To put it mildly, the office is/was very messy. Among the deep-cleaning we shredded 1.5 giant garbage bags full of old documents, and then my mom pulled out some of my old school papers. I decided to share with you what I had predicted for my future when I was in 5th grade. I'll bold the words that I filled in & will leave the blanks in so you know what I had not decided, and I'll leave the spelling as it was back in 1996. Enjoy.
Aaaand today my mother & I worked on cleaning out the terrifying office. If you saw this room you would understand that statement. To put it mildly, the office is/was very messy. Among the deep-cleaning we shredded 1.5 giant garbage bags full of old documents, and then my mom pulled out some of my old school papers. I decided to share with you what I had predicted for my future when I was in 5th grade. I'll bold the words that I filled in & will leave the blanks in so you know what I had not decided, and I'll leave the spelling as it was back in 1996. Enjoy.
"My Life in the Future"
"In a few years I will attend Northern High School. I will be the star of the Basket-ball team. I will join the Drama club, and graduate with an A average. I will drive a Corvet and work after school at Burger King. My best friend will be ___.
After I graduate from high school I will go to Michigan State University. I will become a famous Author. I will build a ___ house in the state of California. It will have 8 rooms, and the best part is that it will have a swimming pool. I will drive a Mustang Convertable. My hobbies will be roller-blading and bicycling. For vacations I will get in my ___ and take off for ___. Once a week I'll go out to dinner at the ___. I will get married when I am 21 years old and have 2 children. My husband and I will make sure they always have fun and I'll be sure and tell them ___. I will retire when I am 50 years old and spend my old age visiting all my good old friends from ---* Elementary School and doing ___."
Please note that at some point I erased "Burger King" and "Mustang Convertable" and crossed out "State" from MSU. Now at the ripe old age of 26 I can tell you that so far the only true predictions are that I did indeed attend Northern and I still enjoy rollerblading. (I recently bought myself a new bike too.) I can also tell you that I laughed hysterically at the idea of driving a corvette in high school and retiring at age 50 (my mom, who is past 50 also got quite the kick out of that one). As for my other predictions, I didn't play basketball beyond that 5th grade team, and I never joined drama. I spent several years writing stories and loved it, but I only finished the short ones. My inability to write a full-length novel sort of killed that dream of being an author I think. Some days I still think I'll go back and finish some of those long stories I started.
I guess this just goes to show that life doesn't always work out quite the way you planned.
*I removed the name of my elementary school so that you cannot travel back in time & kidnap me.
After I graduate from high school I will go to Michigan State University. I will become a famous Author. I will build a ___ house in the state of California. It will have 8 rooms, and the best part is that it will have a swimming pool. I will drive a Mustang Convertable. My hobbies will be roller-blading and bicycling. For vacations I will get in my ___ and take off for ___. Once a week I'll go out to dinner at the ___. I will get married when I am 21 years old and have 2 children. My husband and I will make sure they always have fun and I'll be sure and tell them ___. I will retire when I am 50 years old and spend my old age visiting all my good old friends from ---* Elementary School and doing ___."
Please note that at some point I erased "Burger King" and "Mustang Convertable" and crossed out "State" from MSU. Now at the ripe old age of 26 I can tell you that so far the only true predictions are that I did indeed attend Northern and I still enjoy rollerblading. (I recently bought myself a new bike too.) I can also tell you that I laughed hysterically at the idea of driving a corvette in high school and retiring at age 50 (my mom, who is past 50 also got quite the kick out of that one). As for my other predictions, I didn't play basketball beyond that 5th grade team, and I never joined drama. I spent several years writing stories and loved it, but I only finished the short ones. My inability to write a full-length novel sort of killed that dream of being an author I think. Some days I still think I'll go back and finish some of those long stories I started.
I guess this just goes to show that life doesn't always work out quite the way you planned.
*I removed the name of my elementary school so that you cannot travel back in time & kidnap me.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Things my cat will eat...
I've come to the realization that this whole blog thing is really just for my own entertainment anyway, so if I get the whim to post something insignificant.. whatev...
My recent life (ie the past month) has been 90% (ish) dedicated to studying for this silly little test. You may have heard of it: USMLE Step 1. In any case, this severely limits my opportunities for experiencing truly post-worthy events. However, in my days on end that I spent locked in my apartment with my cat at least the cat does things to lighten the mood. Although, often times his activities are incredibly irritating.
For example, Storm has taken to chasing his tail while standing on the window sill, which makes the vertical blinds bang around insanely. During daylight hours this is an immensely hilarious show. Why he picks narrow spaces to perform his feats is beyond me, but he's also attempted to chase his tail while standing on the back of my office chair... he has fallen off of that a few times. Anyway, the unfortunate thing is that sometimes he gets the burning desire to perform for me quite early in the morning, say 5:09am. Yeah, don't ask which day that was, but I definitely looked at the clock & groaned. Yesterday he waited a little later to play at 5:30, quite generous of him.
One of his other favorite activities is investigating my desk.
He has learned that I impede this process in my waking hours, so he has decided that said early morning hours are the best time for this as well. Much less noisy, but I still feel compelled to turn on the lamp & try to stop him from tearing things up. I've had to relocate my necklaces because they are far too awesome of a toy for him to ignore no matter how many times I squirt him with the water bottle from my nice warm bed. Exhibit A:
Aside from the early morning shenanigans, my precious little monster has many adventures that simply make me laugh because I'm awake. His recent favorite hobby involves attacking the ball that hangs from the ceiling of his little cube bed (which is pink because it was a hand-me-down from my cousin's girl cats. He doesn't mind). He gets soooo into this that there's no telling where the cube will end up or in what position. He flips it all around & sometimes gets trapped inside with the opening to the floor. Most impressive though is this precariously balanced moment:
And throughout his hardcore play sessions, I've discovered that without careful monitoring he will sometimes ingest things that just aren't meant to be eaten. If I drop burger on the floor when I'm cooking he ignores it, but these are the things I've noticed the little weirdo has eaten:
Note to concerned animal lovers: Yes, I take away things or stop him from eating things that are not food, and watch him closely for any signs of distress when he does manage to ingest something like that half a ponytail holder that could cause an intestinal blockage.
My recent life (ie the past month) has been 90% (ish) dedicated to studying for this silly little test. You may have heard of it: USMLE Step 1. In any case, this severely limits my opportunities for experiencing truly post-worthy events. However, in my days on end that I spent locked in my apartment with my cat at least the cat does things to lighten the mood. Although, often times his activities are incredibly irritating.
For example, Storm has taken to chasing his tail while standing on the window sill, which makes the vertical blinds bang around insanely. During daylight hours this is an immensely hilarious show. Why he picks narrow spaces to perform his feats is beyond me, but he's also attempted to chase his tail while standing on the back of my office chair... he has fallen off of that a few times. Anyway, the unfortunate thing is that sometimes he gets the burning desire to perform for me quite early in the morning, say 5:09am. Yeah, don't ask which day that was, but I definitely looked at the clock & groaned. Yesterday he waited a little later to play at 5:30, quite generous of him.
One of his other favorite activities is investigating my desk.
He has learned that I impede this process in my waking hours, so he has decided that said early morning hours are the best time for this as well. Much less noisy, but I still feel compelled to turn on the lamp & try to stop him from tearing things up. I've had to relocate my necklaces because they are far too awesome of a toy for him to ignore no matter how many times I squirt him with the water bottle from my nice warm bed. Exhibit A:
Aside from the early morning shenanigans, my precious little monster has many adventures that simply make me laugh because I'm awake. His recent favorite hobby involves attacking the ball that hangs from the ceiling of his little cube bed (which is pink because it was a hand-me-down from my cousin's girl cats. He doesn't mind). He gets soooo into this that there's no telling where the cube will end up or in what position. He flips it all around & sometimes gets trapped inside with the opening to the floor. Most impressive though is this precariously balanced moment:
And throughout his hardcore play sessions, I've discovered that without careful monitoring he will sometimes ingest things that just aren't meant to be eaten. If I drop burger on the floor when I'm cooking he ignores it, but these are the things I've noticed the little weirdo has eaten:
- the cotton off of Q-tips that he steals from my bathroom trash (I don't throw them in there anymore)
- Kleenex
- random small pieces of paper: ie 1/3 of a post-it note attached to my window sill
- ponytail holders - he plays with them until they break & then before I know it half is missing...
- bits of feathers & fur off of his toys
- tiny carpet fibers that he pulls off of his condo
- and as I typed this blog he bit off some plastic from another toy... which is now going in the trash before more disappears
Note to concerned animal lovers: Yes, I take away things or stop him from eating things that are not food, and watch him closely for any signs of distress when he does manage to ingest something like that half a ponytail holder that could cause an intestinal blockage.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Reflections & Resolutions
So I've been in a rut for a long time. Anyone close to me has to have been able to see that. I've turned into a mean & bitter person, and mostly secluded myself from others. I've pushed away people that I love. And I haven't been taking great care of myself anymore either - physically or spiritually.
It's time to change. Who says resolutions have to be on January 1?
Sounds like a good start, right?
It's time to change. Who says resolutions have to be on January 1?
- be nicer - I'm not outwardly malicious, but my anger can tend to flare up. I'm going to try not to get so angry at little things, like drivers that cut me off & don't signal or my neighbor's bulldog howling ALL the time. I'm still not going to accept loud music in the middle of the night, but that's just inconsiderate & actually interferes with my life.
- forgive & move on - I hold on to a lot of negative feelings when I think people have mistreated me. I know that I'm not perfect & would appreciate a second chance & forgiveness from those that I've wronger in some way or another. On this same note, I'm apologizing to people that I know I have not treated fairly. There is one that will be a huge step for me. I may have my reasons for my behavior, but that doesn't make it less rotten.
- exercise - aside from the fact that I've packed on some weight since returning from the island (yeah, I don't walk up hill both ways to school every day anymore, and I don't get my salsa lessons every Friday [sad!]), physical activity is just GOOD for you. I'm starting with baby steps & plan to play my Dance Praise at least 30 minutes a day 4 days a week (or substitute another activity).
- get closer to God - I've been reading The Purpose Driven Life, and that's helping some, but my Bible has been neglected for a while, and I haven't had a home church since I lived in Marion, IN and graduated in 2007.
Sounds like a good start, right?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Rambles
I'm sort of feeling like I'm in a weird place lately. I have lots to say, but nothing that is really blog-worthy/appropriate. So again I find myself keeping it in. I will confess that I've been feeling sort of lonely & lost. And I've started reading "The Purpose-Driven Life", which I think was more of a subconscious decision than anything. You read a chapter a day for 40 days, and I've had this book since someone randomly gave it to me at Kingdom Bound in 2003. I started reading it back then, but only got through about 6 or 7 days. Today is day 5. Hopefully I'll keep it up this time. I will likely write something that the book inspires if I do.
Another thing that has been weighing on me is the realization that I'm going to be alone for CMA fest this year. I really want to go, and I know I'd find friends there, but not real keen on flying solo. I've asked friends to go, but the only ones interested can't seem to make it or they're already going with other people. I've looked for roommates among people that I know are going, but nobody seems to really want me there. There have been offers "hey you can stay with us", but I'm afraid I'd be disappointed that they're only offering a hotel room split rather than a vacay buddy...
Another thing that has been weighing on me is the realization that I'm going to be alone for CMA fest this year. I really want to go, and I know I'd find friends there, but not real keen on flying solo. I've asked friends to go, but the only ones interested can't seem to make it or they're already going with other people. I've looked for roommates among people that I know are going, but nobody seems to really want me there. There have been offers "hey you can stay with us", but I'm afraid I'd be disappointed that they're only offering a hotel room split rather than a vacay buddy...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Oh the weather outside is frightful
As you may know, the midwest (& possibly other places) got hit with a nice little winter storm on Tues/Wed this week. Well yesterday I decided to stay in where it's warm. I did however seek whether my facebook minions would like for me to go out in the cold today & build them a snowman. Either 19 or 20 people decided that I did indeed have to go build a snowman.
SO, I got all bundled up in 2 pairs of pants & 2 shirts, 2 pairs of gloves, and my coat & boots & all and went out to make that snowman. BTW, I put a carrot in my pocket because I was obsessed with trying to figure out what to do about his face. Anyway, I discovered right away that that snow was not packing together. It was all light & fluffy, and I got self conscious because here I am, a 25-year-old woman all by herself going out to play in the snow, and there was a woman standing on her balcony talking on her cell phone. I tried a few times to pack the snow into a ball, which ultimately ended in poofs of powdery snow falling from my hands. I can't lie, I was discouraged. In the mean time I decided I had to do SOMETHING. So I fell back & made a snow angel:
ha, I didn't realize until after I climbed out that my left wing was smaller than my right. My bad.
But I knew that my facebook friends wanted a snowman. I had promised a snowman. So I set to work. I clearly was not going to be able to roll a ball bigger and bigger in the traditional snowman making manner so I started mounding up some snow that I figured I could sculpt after I got it tall enough. It was not an easy feat, but I accomplished a decent sized mound and then managed to lift a sort of solid chunk of snow to the top for a head. It looked freakishly like ET. Got my camera from my pocket to take a picture, and lo & behold "battery is exhausted". Bah! I finished up my little snowman & ran inside to grab my camera... and my stethoscope:
Yeah, one of my fellow students still on the island demanded that I provide medical care for my creation. :D With my mission accomplished I took back my sunglasses to go inside, but I thought it would be too sad to leave him without eyes.
With those eyes we sort of have the same smile. We must be related. ;) ...And I keep peeking out my window to see if anyone has come along & destroyed him yet.
So far so good. :D
SO, I got all bundled up in 2 pairs of pants & 2 shirts, 2 pairs of gloves, and my coat & boots & all and went out to make that snowman. BTW, I put a carrot in my pocket because I was obsessed with trying to figure out what to do about his face. Anyway, I discovered right away that that snow was not packing together. It was all light & fluffy, and I got self conscious because here I am, a 25-year-old woman all by herself going out to play in the snow, and there was a woman standing on her balcony talking on her cell phone. I tried a few times to pack the snow into a ball, which ultimately ended in poofs of powdery snow falling from my hands. I can't lie, I was discouraged. In the mean time I decided I had to do SOMETHING. So I fell back & made a snow angel:
ha, I didn't realize until after I climbed out that my left wing was smaller than my right. My bad.But I knew that my facebook friends wanted a snowman. I had promised a snowman. So I set to work. I clearly was not going to be able to roll a ball bigger and bigger in the traditional snowman making manner so I started mounding up some snow that I figured I could sculpt after I got it tall enough. It was not an easy feat, but I accomplished a decent sized mound and then managed to lift a sort of solid chunk of snow to the top for a head. It looked freakishly like ET. Got my camera from my pocket to take a picture, and lo & behold "battery is exhausted". Bah! I finished up my little snowman & ran inside to grab my camera... and my stethoscope:
Yeah, one of my fellow students still on the island demanded that I provide medical care for my creation. :D With my mission accomplished I took back my sunglasses to go inside, but I thought it would be too sad to leave him without eyes.
With those eyes we sort of have the same smile. We must be related. ;) ...And I keep peeking out my window to see if anyone has come along & destroyed him yet.
So far so good. :D
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Verizon & FedEx
Oh such joy these past 2 weeks. So upon returning to the US I went & got myself a Blackberry. Said Blackberry has had numerous issues with freezing on me & not working again until the error message comes up & has me reset the phone. Not acceptable working conditions. It didn't start really acting like that until after I moved to Saginaw, but luckily on January 17 I was back home for some appointments, so I ran into the store at the mall & talked to "Ray", the guy working that day. This guy was either intellectually challenged or inept at his job, as he told me to just hook the phone up to my computer & update it, and that should help. I explained my situation and how I had moved out of town & asked him if I could take the phone into any Verizon store if I still had problems with it. Oh yeah, of course you can...
No. No, you can't. So after a trip to the local Verizon store on January 19, where they told me that I would have to drive the 2 hrs home in the next 2 days (in the midst of orientation/class & studying for Comp) before my 30-day warranty ended or come back to them then & they'd give me a refurbished phone. Again, no. Called the guy I bought the phone from & explained the situation, and he assured me that they would FedEx a phone to me & then I could just send back the defective one. Ok, great, Jon, you rock. Expect the phone on either Friday or Monday...
Wednesday, January 26 rolls around. A working Blackberry has yet to be seen. So I call the Verizon store again and am told to look up the phone number for the nearest FedEx location & they probably have the phone there. Google fails me in this regard, and after I don't even KNOW how many more calls to Verizon & FedEx both, I am informed that FedEx sent the phone back because they had the wrong address. Call Verizon again & let them know what happened, and they go to send another phone. The FedEx system won't let them put in both digits of my apartment number (people with 3 digits are just screwed!), so the girl I was talking to figured out a way around it to make sure it would get to me this time. The phone will be sent out Thursday & arrive Friday or Monday. Awesome, about time!
Well on Friday the 28th I had class until like 3pm, and of course missed FedEx, BUT they left a door tag saying either go pick it up or they would try to deliver two more times. Well that's perfect because Monday, the 31st is only a half day & Tuesday we have nothing scheduled. Now on Monday I get back from class around 11am and am delighted to find no door tag. I didn't miss FedEx! I'll have a phone by the end of the day! ...no again. FedEx never showed up yesterday. Finally I called FedEx this morning to try to figure out what happened, and they tell me that they sent the freaking phone back to Verizon... after ONE attempt at delivery. Now they are supposedly looking into the situation. They were also supposed to call me about the case today "after 1pm". When I called at 4 the lady sounded irritated that I wasn't patient enough & informed me that they were still working on my case. How hard can it be to find out WHY they sent back a package without really trying to deliver it? Anyway, I just got off the phone with Verizon now after being on hold for a full 20 minutes. They can't order another one until they receive phone number 2 back. Ok, that's fine. I just wanted to make sure I get a stinking phone... you know, sometime this decade. Hopefully I will hear back from FedEx tomorrow, and the person I spoke with at Verizon said she would call me back either Thursday or Friday to let me know when they are shipping a working Blackberry.
Overall, so far Verizon gets a passing grade for handling the situation fairly well (except for Ray of course), and FedEx gets a FAIL.
No. No, you can't. So after a trip to the local Verizon store on January 19, where they told me that I would have to drive the 2 hrs home in the next 2 days (in the midst of orientation/class & studying for Comp) before my 30-day warranty ended or come back to them then & they'd give me a refurbished phone. Again, no. Called the guy I bought the phone from & explained the situation, and he assured me that they would FedEx a phone to me & then I could just send back the defective one. Ok, great, Jon, you rock. Expect the phone on either Friday or Monday...
Wednesday, January 26 rolls around. A working Blackberry has yet to be seen. So I call the Verizon store again and am told to look up the phone number for the nearest FedEx location & they probably have the phone there. Google fails me in this regard, and after I don't even KNOW how many more calls to Verizon & FedEx both, I am informed that FedEx sent the phone back because they had the wrong address. Call Verizon again & let them know what happened, and they go to send another phone. The FedEx system won't let them put in both digits of my apartment number (people with 3 digits are just screwed!), so the girl I was talking to figured out a way around it to make sure it would get to me this time. The phone will be sent out Thursday & arrive Friday or Monday. Awesome, about time!
Well on Friday the 28th I had class until like 3pm, and of course missed FedEx, BUT they left a door tag saying either go pick it up or they would try to deliver two more times. Well that's perfect because Monday, the 31st is only a half day & Tuesday we have nothing scheduled. Now on Monday I get back from class around 11am and am delighted to find no door tag. I didn't miss FedEx! I'll have a phone by the end of the day! ...no again. FedEx never showed up yesterday. Finally I called FedEx this morning to try to figure out what happened, and they tell me that they sent the freaking phone back to Verizon... after ONE attempt at delivery. Now they are supposedly looking into the situation. They were also supposed to call me about the case today "after 1pm". When I called at 4 the lady sounded irritated that I wasn't patient enough & informed me that they were still working on my case. How hard can it be to find out WHY they sent back a package without really trying to deliver it? Anyway, I just got off the phone with Verizon now after being on hold for a full 20 minutes. They can't order another one until they receive phone number 2 back. Ok, that's fine. I just wanted to make sure I get a stinking phone... you know, sometime this decade. Hopefully I will hear back from FedEx tomorrow, and the person I spoke with at Verizon said she would call me back either Thursday or Friday to let me know when they are shipping a working Blackberry.
Overall, so far Verizon gets a passing grade for handling the situation fairly well (except for Ray of course), and FedEx gets a FAIL.
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